i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
