My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
