You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
