Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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