You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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