yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
