Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize