Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
