Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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