It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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