don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
