i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
