My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
