Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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