That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
