I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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