I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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