Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
