Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
