I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
