all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
