I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
