i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
