It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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