Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
