i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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