i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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