JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
