There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
