How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
