Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize