I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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