I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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