Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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