if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if only i could text you this smell
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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