My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
