I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
