he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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