so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
