I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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