I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
