I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
