Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
