dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
how drunk are you?
Several
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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