I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
