is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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