We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
