it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
