After last night, I could never be a politician.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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