If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
