A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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