I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
