The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
time to smoke my breakfast
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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