Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
