Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
barbara walters just said penis...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.