yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
