I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
