hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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