I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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