Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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