What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
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He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
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Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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