Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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