listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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