would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
