I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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