I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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